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Monthly Archives: April 2011

Photo taken by Reid's new smart phone

LG VX5300, known as “Elgee,” was lovingly assembled by malnourished Taiwanese childrenĀ  Nov. 6, 2005. Little did he know he was in for a hard life of abuse, neglect, debauchery and a trip through Scottie’s Hadron couch into another dimension.

He took his own life April 20, 2011.

Elgee spent much of his time jammed with biting car keys into the pocket of a misguided journalist, who on various occasion, allowed the poor phone to be dropped in a gas station toilet, run over by a cattle truck in Dove Creek Colo., and forced to take photos of angry transvestites wrestling on the sticky floor of Johns Alley Tavern. On occasion, he was subjected to hours of explicit textual conversations with an older woman from Roswell.

After one such night of debauchery, the belligerent young journalist passed out on a ragged old couch at Scottie and Andrew’s apartment, where little Elgee slipped out of his pocket, fell through the couch cushions and was catapulted into another dimension.

18 hours later, Elgee was found neatly placed on top of the couch. Although no one knows where he went to, it was clear by his demeanor that Elgee had seen things no cell phone should have to see.

At the time of his death, Elgee’s directory contained the cell phone numbers of professional strippers, Mexican biker gang leaders and U.S. Congressman.

He will be forever missed. At least until his owner receives his new smartphone.

Rest in peace Elgee.